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Unmasking the Enemy Within

A lot has happened over the past few months, and to be quite honest with you all, I was not in the mental space to sit and formalize a thought or work through all I had planned in 2023. Life was "life-ing," as the gen-z will say, and your girl needed to work on herself, but amid all the chaos and confusion, something wonderful happened: I got married. YAS!! I married the love of my life and could not be happier { we'll talk more about that in the months to come}.


How do you adjust when the place where you found solace is now filled with agony? With it comes a feeling of helplessness and despair. Sometimes, it was difficult to comprehend and articulate all the emotions. Still, through it all, I am filled with gratitude because, in the storm, I learned to love harder. For months, I let myself be a victim of my decisions and wallowed in pity. I looked for the answers in the wrong places until, one day, I had an aha moment; I realized that I am my own enemy! The enemy within is not another individual; the enemy within is your mind. How we interpret and handle situations can make us victims or victors. The mind is the "command central" of human existence, and every thought or action is initially formulated in the mind before it is exhibited in the physical. It determines who we are, our values and beliefs, and what we do. It opens us up to endless possibilities and gives us uniqueness.


The journey out of the dark is not easy; it is a work in progress. There will be moments of total clarity, and sometimes, nothing seems to work; be steadfast and beautify those scars. It all comes full circle at the end.

I'll share some of the lessons I learned along the way. I hope there are some nuggets you can take with you as you journey through life, and feel free to add some tips that worked for you in the comment section.


  1. Be Self-ish - It is not as bad as it sounds. Historically, whenever I hear people say, "I come first" or "I have to make sure my plate is full before I can help/give to someone else," my very first reaction is, "That's just selfish/mean." In my opinion, we help others in need, and God will help us when we need help, but I have learned that being selfish is a must. I am fully aware of the negative connotation the word "selfish" invokes, but being selfish can also translate to "self-ish." When you are self-ish, you are aware of the pain and suffering of others, but you first take care of your needs and help if you still have the capacity to. On the flip side is "self-love," which means "regarding one's happiness and wellness above everything." In today's society, some people use "self-love" as a coping mechanism to escape the realities of their world or life but unintentionally become selfish. Being self-ish means finding a healthy balance between helping others and helping oneself.

  2. Take care of your mental health - I know this almost sounds like the anthem of the century, but believe me, take care of your mental health. We never fully understand how fragile our mind is until we are left to tend to its complexity. Pick up a hobby that will allow you to escape life's intricacies for a brief moment.

  3. Be mindful of the company you keep - A wise woman once said, "There are friends and unfriendly friends." Iron sharpens iron; in a moment or season of turmoil, it is necessary to have one person who can listen to you without judgment and has your best interest at heart. If you can afford it, find a therapist and unlearn those traits that we unintentionally picked up along the way, either through nature or nurture.

  4. Be Open-minded - If there's anything to know about me, I love planning and hate detours, but sometimes the beauty is in the detour. We have gone through the first 90 days of the new year, and like most people, I usually have a list of everything I'd like to accomplish within a quarter, but this year, I am trying something different. I am open to all the endless possibilities life has in store for me. Mark Perrett said it best, "If you don't go through life with an open mind, you will find a lot of closed-door."

  5. Cultivate a belief system—We all believe in something or someone. Some Christians believe in Jesus, and others believe in the prophets before him. Muslims believe in Prophet Mohammad. Atheists have "developed their moral code rather than relying on external religious authority." It is imperative that you create a culture of belief because it offers a sense of comfort and belonging to something greater than yourself, especially when facing a challenge; it helps alleviate some of the stressors and improves the quality of life.

  6. Be Patient - "Patience is a virtue." One of the things I struggled with was wanting the pain to stop. I wanted to feel like my old self, but time taught me that the pain was needed, and I later realized that "everything was working for my good."

Life is a journey; with it comes detours, hills, and valleys, moments of happiness and sadness. I recently had a conversation with a friend who reminded me that as time passes and the seasons change, so do the seasons in life. Agriculture teaches us that when a seed is planted, it goes through various cycles, from planting the seed in the soil to harvesting. Still, one of the most important phases in the cycle is weeding, removing the unwanted plants that will affect the plant's growth. The same applies to life; there is a season of weeding; whether bad habits or people, we must hold ourselves accountable for the life we desire.






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